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Saturday, August 29, 2009

Crazy Cat Lady Finally Snaps

Again, not an email , but I think we can all agree that this woman is just a little crazy.
Blank
My favorite part is right around 2:55 when she throws out the most vicious insult she can think of.
At first I was a little confused, but then I remembered. Oh yea, cat lady...
"My cat's a coward, but you're a dog!"

Friday, August 28, 2009

Song of the Moment: David Lee Murphy - Dust On The Bottle

I've had this song stuck in my head all week...



(Actual music video, since embedding was disabled.)

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Ridiculous News: August 27, 2009

The past few days have resulted in some crazy stories.
Here are a few:


Microsoft in web photo racism row



The original picture as it appeared in the US (top) and the
altered version (bottom) that was displayed on the Polish website

"Software giant Microsoft has apologised for editing a photo to change a black man's head to that of a white man."

"The picture, showing employees sitting around a desk, appeared unaltered on the firm's US website.

But on the website of its Polish business unit the black man's head was replaced with a white face, although the colour of his hands was unchanged."

"Bloggers have had a field day with the story, with some suggesting Microsoft was attempting to please all markets by having a man with both a white face and a black hand.

"The white head and black hand actually symbolise interracial harmony. It is supposed to show that a person can be white and black, old and young at the same time," said one blogger on the Photoshop Disasters blog."

-------------------------------------------------------

Woman Awarded $2 Million After Dentist Pulls 13 Teeth


(Getty Images)

"A South Carolina woman has won a $2 million jury verdict against a dental clinic that mistakenly pulled 13 teeth. The State reported that 28-year-old Elizabeth Smith wanted three teeth pulled when she went to the Sexton Dental Clinic in Florence in 2006. Her lawsuit said a dentist at the clinic pulled all 16 of her upper teeth."

How do you accidentally remove ALL of a person's upper teeth?!

-------------------------------------------------------

Online Angel Answers Woman's Plea For Help

The article starts off alright...

"When a chimney collapsed on Lucille Kimball, she was able to send a lifesaving message for help on a gaming Web site. Her message reached a woman in Tulsa, Okla., whose reaction may have saved Kimball's life."

But then....

"She said she couldn't reach her phone but was close enough to her computer.

"I play a lot of canasta on Pogo.com," she said.


She said she went into the chat room of the online card game.


"I typed in, 'Help me' several times. 'Help me. I need help,'" Kimball said.


She said nobody responded for two hours until a woman nicknamed "Sleepless In Tulsa Oklahoma" came into the chatroom.
"



Let me reiterate what was just said.
She posted on a canasta chat room and then waited two hours for help.
First, why did she only post on that site? Second, why did she wait two hours?!

$100 says she was playing canasta while she waited for a reply...

-------------------------------------------------------

US deficit to soar towards $1.6tn

"The US budget deficit will soar to almost $1.6 trillion (£978bn) this year, the highest on record, both the White House and Congress have warned."

Dollar bills
The US government has spent heavily
on attempts to ease the recession

Well, yes, it's ridiculous that the debt is so high.
But read that last part again.
The White House and Congress are warning us?
Tell me again, who passed bailouts and stimulus bills worth billions of dollars?

-------------------------------------------------------

Comedian Sued Over Mother-in-Law Jokes

Sunda Croonquist
Image from video (KTLA-TV)

"Veteran comedian Sunda Croonquist has had a lot of success with her "mother-in-law" jokes, but her mother-in-law isn't laughing.

In fact, she's suing the comic for making her the butt of too many jokes.

The lawsuit was filed by Ruth Zafrin, her daughter, Shelley Edelman, and Shelley's husband, Neil.

They're accusing Croonquist of spreading false, defamatory and racist lies with her in-law jokes that have become a staple of her routine in nightclubs and on television channels like Comedy Central.

Croonquist knows all too well about culture clashes -- she's half-black, half-Swedish, grew up Roman Catholic and married into a Jewish family."

They're calling her 'racist'?

"She says it should be obvious to her in-laws that she's not anti-Jewish since she converted to Judaism before she met her husband and keeps a kosher house.

Attorney Gary L. Bostwick, an expert in First Amendment law who isn't involved in the case, said suing a comedian is often difficult because courts tend to rule that it should be obvious they are joking."

To the American people: Please stop wasting all our taxpayer money, forcing the judicial system to even look at these cases...

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Indian arrested over 'six wives'


"Police in the Indian city of Mumbai say they have arrested a man for forgery and polygamy after he married at least six women over the past two years."

Six women in three years?!

"Tushar Waghmare, an engineer with Air India, allegedly kept all his wives in the dark about their counterparts.

He was arrested after his sixth wife went to the police when she discovered he was married to someone else."

Pretty impressive. The guy must be a stud right?

...

Tushar Waghmare

Wrong.

-------------------------------------------------------

And not quite recent, but still ridiculous:

New Jersey Homeowner Calls Cops on Bob Dylan

Photo: Bob Dylan arrested
Long Branch, N.J., police officer Kristie Buble, left, says she
encountered Bob Dylan wandering around the streets of Long Branch.

"Bob Dylan was detained by police in Long Branch, N.J. last month, when a young officer failed to recognize him, police said. The officer proceeded to go to earnest lengths to ensure the hooded, disheveled, rain-soaked music legend was, in fact, who he said he was."

"When Dylan wandered into the yard of a home that had a "For Sale" sign on it, the home's occupants became spooked by his appearance and called police with a report of an "eccentric-looking old man" in their yard, Long Branch Police said. One of the occupants even went so far as to follow Dylan as he continued on down the street."

""We got a call for a suspicious person,'' Buble said. "It was pouring rain outside, and I was right around the corner so I responded. By that time he was walking down the street. I asked him what he was doing in the neighborhood and he said he was looking at a house for sale."

"I asked him what his name was and he said, 'Bob Dylan,' Buble said. "Now, I've seen pictures of Bob Dylan from a long time ago and he didn't look like Bob Dylan to me at all. He was wearing black sweatpants tucked into black rain boots, and two raincoats with the hood pulled down over his head.""

"So I said, 'OK Bob, what are you doing in Long Branch?' He said he was touring the country with Willie Nelson and John Mellencamp. So now I'm really a little fishy about his story. I did not know what to believe or where he was coming from, or even who he was.""

"She asked for identification, but Dylan said he had none. She asked where he was staying and he said his tour buses were parked at some big hotel on the ocean. Buble said she assumed that to be the nearby Ocean Place Conference Resort."

"Following her police training, Buble said she indulged him.

"OK Bob, why don't you get in the car and we'll drive to the hotel and go verify this?' " she said she told him. "I put him in the back of the car. To be honest with you, I didn't really believe this was Bob Dylan. It never crossed my mind that this could really be him.""

"Her sergeant met her at the hotel parking lot.

"I got out of my car and said, "Sarg, this guy says he's Bob Dylan,'" Buble said. "He opened the car door, looked in, and said, 'That's not Bob Dylan.'""

"Eventually, the police were shown Dylan's passport, which Buble said she looked at, saw the legend's name, and rather sheepishly handed it back to Dylan's manager."

Post for Sarah

Post dedicated to my favorite co-director, Sarah!

You'll love this:
(Sorry, no embed available)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yu_moia-oVI

Monday, August 24, 2009

In the News: August 24, 2009 (this week!)

Hot off the press!


UK tourist trapped in French hall

I bet the French media loved this story. A chance to pick on the stupid British folk!

Dannemarie town hall, image courtesy of Ville de Dannemarie website
Dannemarie's hotel de ville is one of the town's most impressive buildings

"A British tourist has spent a night trapped in a French town hall after mistakenly thinking she could book a room at the "hotel de ville".

The hapless female visitor arrived in the Alsace town of Dannemarie on Friday and tried to find a bed for the night.

Spotting the impressive-looking "hotel de ville", the tourist popped in to use the toilet before trying to check in.

But as she was in the convenience, officials finished a meeting, left the town hall and locked its door."

Map

"The woman tried calling for help and switching the town hall lights on and off to attract attention, Dannemarie's mayor, Paul Mumbach, told the BBC.

But her plight went unnoticed until Saturday morning when a passer-by noticed a message she posted on the inside of one of the building's glass doors.

"The note said 'Je suis fermer ici. Est ce possible moi la porte ouvrir?' (I am to close here. Is it possible me the door to open?)" said Mr Mumbach."

------------------------------------------------------

2 Students Arrested After Prank Results In Fatal Shooting

Didn't their parents teach them not to point guns at each other?



"Two Purdue University students are facing charges in connection with a fatal shooting Saturday evening that stemmed from a prank gone wrong at an off-campus apartment, police said.

Cory Lynch, of Carmel, and William Calderon, of Fort Wayne, both 22, were arrested after Landon Siela, 21, of Fort Wayne, was killed at about 7 p.m. Saturday on Wiggins Street.
"

""Both pointed firearms at the victim in the residence when he came out of a room," said West Lafayette Police Chief Jason Dombkowski. "It was told to be a joke, and one of the firearms ended up being loaded.""

Also... why did they have guns?

------------------------------------------------------

For the body conscious, 'cankles' offer another focus for obsession


Thank you for reporting on this very important issue CNN.

You don't really need/want to read the whole article or really any part of it, but here are the pictures they included and their captions.

"Cankles" is slang for the part of the leg where the ankle meets the calf when there is no definition or indentation.
"Cankles" is slang for the part of the leg where the ankle
meets the calf when there is no definition or indentation.

No cankles here: According to podiatrists, the average ankle size is about 10 to 11 inches around.
No cankles here: According to podiatrists, the
average ankle size is about 10 to 11 inches around.

P.S. You're like 10 years behind on this slang...
Annie Park was complaining about having cankles way back in 10th grade.


------------------------------------------------------

Hedgehog joke wins comedy prize

Yea, I'll give him that one.

Dan Antopolski with his award
Dan Antopolski with his award for the funniest joke of the Fringe

"Comedian Dan Antopolski has won a prize for the funniest joke of this year's Edinburgh Fringe."

"The winning joke was a one-liner from 36-year-old Antopolski's show Silent But Deadly - "Hedgehogs. Why can't they just share the hedge?""


The Top 10 jokes were judged to be:

• 1) Dan Antopolski - "Hedgehogs - why can't they just share the hedge?"

• 2) Paddy Lennox - "I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: 'This could be interesting'."

• 3) Sarah Millican - "I had my boobs measured and bought a new bra. Now I call them Joe Cocker and Jennifer Warnes because they're up where they belong."

• 4) Zoe Lyons - "I went on a girls' night out recently. The invitation said 'dress to kill'. I went as Rose West."

• 5) Jack Whitehall - "I'm sure wherever my dad is; he's looking down on us. He's not dead, just very condescending."

• 6) Adam Hills - "Going to Starbucks for coffee is like going to prison for sex. You know you're going to get it, but it's going to be rough."

• 7) Marcus Brigstocke - "To the people who've got iPhones: you just bought one, you didn't invent it!"

• 8) Rhod Gilbert - "A spa hotel? It's like a normal hotel, only in reception there's a picture of a pebble."

• 9) Dan Antopolski - "I've been reading the news about there being a civil war in Madagascar. Well, I've seen it six times and there isn't."

• 10) Simon Brodkin (as Lee Nelson) - "I started so many fights at my school - I had that attention-deficit disorder. So I didn't finish a lot of them."


And... these are pretty bad...

The judges also listed some of the worst jokes at this year's Fringe.

• Carey Marx - "I'm not doing any Michael Jackson jokes, because they always involve puns about his songs. And that's bad."

• Frank Woodley - "I phoned the swine flu hotline and all I got was crackling."

• Alex Maple - "Michael Jackson only invented the moonwalk so he could sneak up on children."

• Phil Nichol - "She's got a face like a rare Chinese vase - minging."

• Alistair McGowan - "I've just split up from my girlfriend, which is a shame, because it was a long-standing arrangement. Perhaps if we'd sat down a bit more..."

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No article attached, but I saw this site and had to share:

Can't decide if you want to use Google or Bing?
Use Bingle!

In the News: August 24, 2009 (last week)

Old news from last week, but I was a little busy last week and didn't have much time to post. (More recent news in the next post!)
Enjoy!

Twitter tweets are 40% 'babble'

Not sure we needed a 'study' to tell us that...
Screengrab of Twitter page, PA
Micro-blogging site Twitter has some high profile users

"A short-term study of Twitter has found that 40% of the messages sent via it are "pointless babble.""

"To get an idea of what Twitter was being used for, Pear Analytics dipped into the Tweet stream every 30 minutes between 11:00 and 17:00 on weekdays for a fortnight.

In total it grabbed 2,000 messages and then put each message it grabbed into one of six categories; news, spam, self-promotion, pointless babble, conversational and those with pass-along value.

Conversational tweets were those that bounced back and forth between two users, and those dubbed "pointless babble" were of the "I'm eating a sandwich" type.""

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US banknotes show cocaine traces

Dollars
The US capital has the highest level of
banknotes that have traces of cocaine

"The largest study of banknotes has found that 95% of dollar bills in Washington DC bear traces of the illegal drug cocaine.

The figure for the US capital is up 20% over two years."

"They say the rise observed in the US may be due to increased drug use caused by higher stress levels linked to the global economic downturn.

Bank notes can pick up traces of cocaine directly from users snorting it through rolled up bills or when cash is stacked together.
"

I really hope the bills in my pocket are of the 'stacked' variety...

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Man escapes charges for barbecuing pet dog

I guess it's better than having another dog at the local shelter?

Auckland SPCA officers found the charred body of a Staffordshire terrier cooking in this barbecue pit.
Auckland SPCA officers found the charred body of
a Staffordshire terrier cooking in this barbecue pit.

"A man who roasted his pet dog to enjoy as a meal with his family and friends escaped prosecution after authorities in New Zealand determined the animal was killed humanely."

""They had had the dog for a while, but the man told us his wife was getting tired of the dog. He was becoming a pest," Halliday said.

"They decided to get rid of him. But instead of bringing him to the SPCA -- which we recommend -- they decided to have a meal, and cook and eat him."

The family is from Tonga where eating a dog is not uncommon, Halliday said."

"The man, Halliday said, struck the dog in the head with a hammer, rendering it unconscious. He then slit its throat.

"That is the normal way -- if one can use that word -- that animals are killed all over the world," Halliday said.

And under New Zealand's Animal Welfare Act, it is legal to kill an animal if it is slaughtered swiftly and painlessly."

------------------------------------------------------

Science ponders 'zombie attack'

Zombie from I Spit on Your Rave (PA)
There has been a revival of the zombie film in recent years

I'm glad science has spent the time determining this one.
I'm also delighted to know that we're all doomed if this were to actually occur.

"If zombies actually existed, an attack by them would lead to the collapse of civilisation unless dealt with quickly and aggressively."

"In their study, the researchers from the University of Ottawa and Carleton University (also in Ottawa) posed a question: If there was to be a battle between zombies and the living, who would win?

Professor Robert Smith? (the question mark is part of his surname and not a typographical mistake) and colleagues wrote: "We model a zombie attack using biological assumptions based on popular zombie movies."

Apparently he added the question mark so people would not confuse him with Robert Smith, the lead singer for The Cure.
Really? (Intentional question mark) How often would you confuse a nerdy mathematician for this guy? (Also intentional):


Don't flatter yourself Robert Smith?. (Statement. Not a question).

------------------------------------------------------

Semenya left stranded by storm

While I do feel bad for her having to deal all of this, especially for an 18-year old, you can't deny how masculine she looks.

Semenya left her rivals trailing

"There had been whispers circulating about South African 800m prodigy Caster Semenya ever since she ran a spectacular 1 minute 56.72 seconds in a low-key meet on 26 July.

Not only was it the fastest time in the world this year by more than a second, it meant she had improved her personal best by seven seconds in less than nine months. And, she said afterwards, she could have run even quicker had it not been for a strong wind on the back straight.

For once, the tittle-tattle was not the usual sort about performance-enhancing substances. This was more basic and a whole lot nastier: was the 'she' actually a 'he'?

It wasn't just the rapid time. Semenya has a well-muscled physique. She also has a dusting of facial hair. Mix those three things together and ugly rumours spread like wildfire."

Semenya celebrates victory

Plus, dropping seven seconds in nine months is ridiculous...

Sports News: August 24, 2009

Pat Venditte: Switch Pitcher

Pretty awesome skill...
Too bad he's just a decent pitcher either side.

Originally seen on ESPN.


And I know I already posted about him, but Usain Bolt is just insane.

100m in 9.58


200m in 19.19


Oh, and by the way, after the 200m, Bolt said he would probably only focus on one event from now on.
Why? Because he felt a little tired after the second race.


Usain Bolt's record by the numbers


Evolution of the 100m record

Bolt has lowered the 100m world record by 1.64% over the last two years. If an athlete were to do that in other events:

>> It would be like running 400m in 42.47 sec, taking 0.71 sec off Michael Johnson's 1999 record, or finishing approximately 6.58m ahead of Johnson when he set the mark.

>> It is the equivalent of lowering the world mile mark to 3 min 39.49 sec - 3.66 sec faster than current record-holder Hicham El Guerrouj of Morocco and almost 8 sec faster than London 2012 boss Sebastian Coe.

>> It would be like getting to the finish of the marathon 2 min 2 sec ahead of Ethiopia's Haile Gebrselassie when he set his world best of 2:03:59 in Berlin last year.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Awkward Family Photos 2

A few more from Awkward Family Photos:

Bridaled


Even his friends thought this one was a reach.
Apparently they ran out of full-sized horses at the stables...


LOL Cats


Speechless...
(I'm sorry you had to see that. I just didn't want to be alone in my misery/disgust/confusion).


Roots


Poor Jeanie, brother Scott was the only other family member to make it through school.
Obviously brother Steve, with his (most likely self-modified) Corona shirt, is still working at the local packie; still trying to make it big in his Whitesnake cover band.
Dad is still pirating off the south coast of Somalia. Mom just escaped prison for the third time.
And grandma! Sporting what I can only make out as her favorite white pimp jacket.
Yay family!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Song of the Moment: The Airborne Toxic Event - Sometime Around Midnight

Cool powerful emotional song...



Reminds me a little of The Arcade Fire - Rebellion (Lies)

Passive Agressive Crazy People Fail

Passive Aggressive Notes

nick in florida was in his car one day, when he “pulled up at a light, looked to my left, and immediately started laughing.” he quickly pulled out his iphone, snapped a photo, then get stepped on the gas before daddy dearest could get out and beat the crap out of him.

fuck you, chelsea :)

I hope that's Chelsea from Maine...

meanwhile, lisa in maryland spotted this in front of a small computer store near her office.

daddy's little smartass

children are such a blessing!


Emails From Crazy People: Italians Aren't Kosher

Julia comes from an incredibly religious, Jewish family. During a radio program she conned her unwitting parents to call in and then, on air, convinced them she had started dating this very Catholic Italian guy she had met at school. Within seconds the air waves were bathed a flurry of yiddish insults and one of the most absurdly stereotypical Jewish family arguments.

Warning: Language.
But just throw on a pair of headphones at work and you're good to go!

Blank


FailBlog:

If you think that's bad, you should see how he got in the building...

Sunday, August 16, 2009

9.58

This is absolutely ridiculous...



"Triple Olympic champion Usain Bolt set a new world record as he stormed to a stunning victory in the 100m at the World Championships in Berlin.

The 22-year-old Jamaican recorded a time of 9.58 seconds to shave 0.11 off the mark he set last year when winning gold at the Beijing Olympics.

American Tyson Gay was second in a time of 9.71, with Jamaica's Asafa Powell claiming bronze in 9.84.
"
(click for full article on BBC News)

Apparently he isn't even in top form yet. He's still recovering from a car accident and a foot injury.

I'm happy to see Gay running so well, but his PR still isn't good enough to beat Bolt.

Video Update: August 16th, 2009

Here's an awesome video from the 1930's explaining how a car differential works.
Lest you forget, I am an engineer. Let's try to learn something now and again!



OK, enough educational videos. The next two are completely useless.

Giant waterslide jump:
I have no idea how they practiced/calibrated this thing... Seems like you would break every bone in your body if you missed.



Guy Catches Laptops with his Butt:
This is another video that just leaves me speechless.



Fight the Power!
A man tries to pay for his parking ticket with 8,800 pennies. (That's $88 for those of you off to a slow start this morning).

I'm just a little disappointed by the number of policemen that showed up. Do we really want our tax dollars paying for seven of them to watch this?


Guy shoots clay pigeons... with a bow.



And more evidence that we're nearing the robot revolution.

They're faster, stronger, and smarter than us. It's only a matter of time...

Friday, August 14, 2009

Quick Post

Not too much time for a substantial post, but I just wanted to share these:


This story is absolutely incredible...
On one hand it's hard to believe a girl can be that crazy. On the other, it's all to familiar...

(via TBT)


This is just creepy...

Pretty sure they're just practicing for their worldwide invasion.
(via Neatorama)


Oh hipsters...
“What are you staring at? Oh, let me guess. You probably expect me to wear a Sega Game Gear around my neck, because it has ‘color.’ Get away from me, you racist.”
“What are you staring at? Oh, let me guess. You probably expect me to wear a Sega Game Gear around my neck, because it has ‘color.’ Get away from me, you racist.”


Speaking of racists...

(FailBlog)

The best part is the kid who gets it correct...

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

10 Worst Evolutionary Designs

I thought this was a pretty funny article from Wired.com:

Illustration: Roman Klonek

1 Sea mammal blowhole. Any animal that spends appreciable time in the ocean should be able to extract oxygen from water via gills. Enlarging the lungs and moving a nostril to the back of the head is a poor work-around.

2 Hyena clitoris. When engorged, this "pseudopenis," which doubles as the birth canal, becomes so hard it can crush babies to death during exit.

3 Kangaroo teat. In order to nurse, the just-born joey, a frail and squishy jellybean, must clamber up Mom's torso and into her pouch for a nipple.

4 Giraffe birth canal. Mama giraffes stand up while giving birth, so baby's entry into the world is a 5-foot drop. Wheeee! Crack.

5 Goliath bird-eating spider exoskeleton. This giant spider can climb trees to hunt very mobile prey. Yet it has a shell so fragile it practically explodes when it falls? Well, at least it can produce silk to make a sail. Oh, wait — it can't!

6 Shark-fetus teeth. A few shark species have live births (instead of laying eggs). The Jaws juniors grow teeth in the womb. The first sibling or two to mature sometimes eat their siblings in utero. Mmm ... siblings.

7 Human stomach. People can digest a lot — except for cellulose, the primary component of plant matter. Why don't we have commensal bacteria in our guts to do it? They're busy helping termites.

8 Slug genitalia. Some hermaphroditic species breed by wrapping their sex organs around each other. If one of said members gets stuck, the slug simply chews it off. What. The. Hell?

9 Quadrupeds. Let's say you're a four-footed animal. Now let's say you get a wound on your back, or an itch, or a bug wandering up there. Tough luck, kid. You probably can't do much about it. Hope there's a low branch around.

10 Narwhal tusk. The unicorn-like protuberance on a male narwhal's head is actually a tooth that erupts through the front of the jaw and keeps on growing, up to 9 feet. Narwhal: "Doc, I have a toothache." Dentist: "Indeed."


The author's comments in number 8 sum up my overall response to the whole thing very nicely: "What. The. Hell?"

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Best of Craigslist

Thanks again to Chelsea for introducing me to yet another time-wasting site.

I was completely unaware that Craigslist kept an archive of its more amusing posts.
Here are a couple recent favorites:
(Some pictures added to spice things up).

Pregnant? - m4w
From Portland

I was standing in line to make my purchases when you tapped me on the shoulder and asked me to hand you a $1 pregnancy test (can you even trust those?!?) and then made small talk with me while you stood behind me in line. How'd it turn out? Single?
  • Location: Dollar Tree in SE
If I were her I might take him up on it. At least he's concerned about the outcome of the pregnancy test, even if he didn't trust it's validity.

------------------------------------------

Was that your limb? -w4m
In NY

I was running to catch the 9 train, early in the morning tuesday. Apparently I wasn't the only one: I saw you down the subway stop ahead of me. You were sprinting, and collided with a support column. Your prosthetic arm flew off, and you kept running.

You made the train, and I did not. All that was left was your lovely arm, glistening from the summer humidity. It smelled of pine and saddleneck oil.

I have it now, in my living room. It's sitting in a hallway basket, with some umbrellas and a digeridoo. Contact me: I'd like to meet the rest of you.

-Susan

This is how true love begins. It starts with a man's missing arm...

------------------------------------------

Personal Texting Assistant
Baltimore

Looking for a assistant to help in texting duties - replies deleting texts alerting of new texts reading texts filtering text I get 40 - 50 texts an hour, I cant handle my workload plus texting responsibilities. My phone gets too full and needs deleted every couple hours. This is a full time position and you must be where ever I am at, because my phone is always with me. Serious inquiries only.
  • Location: Baltimore
  • Compensation: 10.00 hr

I'm doubtful, but I really hope this is real.

------------------------------------------

Trade gay porn for bookshelf assembly??

Hi Handymen! I have 2 small bookcases that need to be assembled - this is not my strong point. but I do have a large collection of gay male porn to pick from. Trade?? 3 movies per bookshelf? 6 FREE PORNS for your time? bargain! Looking forward to hearing from you... mr. P

I'm thinking he's advertising for a strapping young lad to build him some bookcases. But he's probably looking more for the lad than the shelves.

Maybe he should just get himself one of these:

Kills two birds with one stone!

------------------------------------------

A few things from the bike shop
Seattle

A snippet:
Whoo-hoo Seattle, the sun is out! Let's discuss a few things before you fumble with swapping the unused ski rack for the unused bike rack on the Subaru.

So yes, you've noticed the sun is out, and hey!- maybe it would be cool to to some bike riding. Let's keep in mind that the sun came out of all 600,000 of us, so for the most part, you're not the only one who noticed. Please remember that when you walk into my shop on a bright, sunny Saturday morning. It will save you from looking like a complete twat that huffs "Why are there so many people here?"

Are we all on the same page now about it being sunny outside? Have we all figured out that we're not the only clever people that feel sunny days are good for bike riding? Great. I want to kiss all of you on your forehead for sharing this moment with me. Put your vitamin D starved fingers in mine, and we'll move on together to some pointers that will make life easier.

Those witty Northwest pacific people...
Click for the rest of the notice!

(Thanks to Sharp for this one)

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hot homeless guy with beard and shaggy hair
Cleveland

you're young, hot, and homeless. you look to be about 20-25. you have brownish red shaggy hair and a nice beard. i could tell you were homeless because you were eating chips off the ground and you had urine soaked filthy pants on. i've always had a thing for the "starving artist" types and your homeless ruggedness is hot. i have seen you sleeping in one of the bus stops near public square. if you ever steal a laptop or break into a library or someone's home to use their computer, i hope you read this. ~Brittany R.
  • Location: downtown cleveland

I think I found a photo of who she's looking for!:

I can see what she means... I think it's the drooping left eye that really does it for me.

Or maybe she just saw Joaquin:


I do appreciate her acknowledgment that the likelihood of this guy finding/using a computer is rare, but what are the chances of the right people seeing any of these?

------------------------------------------

I figured I'd end with a bang:

Threesome with my Realdoll -mw4m
Maine

If you don't know what a Realdoll is, either look it up or you should probably just move on. For those that are aware, I'll give you the stats on my girl: Gabrielle has a Face 16, Body 5, she is about 4'10", lighter skin tone, black hair, trimmed pubic hair, and 32 E breasts. She is a hottie in every sense of the word.

If you are serious about this, we would like to hear from you. You must be respectful of both Gabrielle and myself. Neither of us have ever had a threesome before, so this will be new to both of us. Also, she isn't the most cooperative girl as far as positioning goes although she is tiny, she is quite heavy. Perhaps with another guy present, it would open up additional possibilities. I'm not as picky as she is, so it would probably help your chances if you addressed your messages to her She would love to hear your basic info and any thoughts/ideas for our threesome. She has several outfits she could wear for us.
  • Location: portland

I'll admit I wasn't possitive what a Realdoll was , but I had an idea.
(Maybe I should have just moved on like he suggested...)

One quick check of Google Images proved me correct.




Yup. "Real" looking sexdolls. Delightful! (Can't we just be satisfied with blowup ones?)

I love how heartfelt and honest he is.
Obviously you need to be respectful Gabrielle. (Of all the names, really? And do you think he calls her Gabbi or by her full name?).
But you can't find fault with his thinking that, because it's heavy, maybe another man would be helpful in lugging the damn thing around. Makes sense to me...

Sunday, August 9, 2009

In the News: August 9, 2009

It's been a while since I've done a news update, so the stories may be a little old and there are a bunch of them.


Woman denies setting man on fire


"A Greek woman has appeared in court accused of setting fire to a British tourist in Crete after he allegedly groped her in a bar."

"The story has made national headlines in Greece, where some have hailed the woman as a heroine.

Mr Feltham's parents have insisted reports their son sexually harassed the woman were "absolute nonsense".

Ian Feltham, 48, said his son was approached out of the blue by a complete stranger who threw accelerant over him.
"

I highly doubt that a woman would randomly pour her drink on someone, nevermind set him on fire...

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Kenyan renews Chelsea goat offer

This is awesome...
I would totally accept his offer if i was Hillary

Goats in Kenya
The offer of 40 goats and 20 cows is generous in Kenyan terms

"A Kenyan man has told the BBC how happy he is that US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has agreed to renew his marriage offer to her daughter."

"In 2000, Godwin Kipkemoi Chepkurgor wrote to Mrs Clinton's husband Bill, then US president, offering 40 goats and 20 cows for Chelsea Clinton's hand.

In Kenya on the first leg of her African tour, Mrs Clinton was informed by a journalist of the proposal.

"My daughter is her own person. I will convey this very kind offer," she said.
"

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Terrorists kidnap, torture boy to bully Iraqi policeman

Reading this made me both sick and angry.
One of the many reasons we're fighting for a world without al Qaeda...

Khidir, now 8, was kidnapped and held hostage for two years by operatives with al Qaeda in Iraq.
Khidir, now 8, was kidnapped and held hostage
for two years by operatives with al Qaeda in Iraq.

"Khidir was just 6 years old when he was savagely ripped away from his family, kidnapped by al Qaeda operatives in Iraq.

"They beat me with a shovel, they pulled my teeth out with pliers, they would go like this and pull it," said Khidir, now 8, demonstrating with his hands. "And they would make me work on the farm gathering carrots."
"

""This is where they hammered a nail into my leg and then they pulled it out," he says, lifting up his pant leg to show a tiny wound.

He says his captors also pulled out each of his tiny fingernails, broke both his arms, and beat him repeatedly on the side of the head with a shovel. He still suffers chronic headaches. He remembers them laughing as they inflicted the pain.
"

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Putin's action-man holiday album


And now to lighten the mood is Russia's own Prime Minister and his (fabulous?) body!

Putin swims in a lake in the Siberian Tuva region
The images are meant to portray a man who is in charge

"The Tuva holidays of Vladimir Putin - the title of a summer blockbuster film?"

Putin sits in a tree while traveling in the Siberian Tuva region of Russia

"It is actually the headline which the website of one of Russia's leading news agencies, Ria Novosti, put above a selection of official photographs of Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin enjoying a summer break in a remote region of Siberia.

Mr Putin is shown standing on a rocky mountain slope; resting in the branches of a tree; swimming in a river; riding a horse.

In most of the photos, he wears military-style clothes and boots. In the equestrian shots, he is shirtless.
"

Putin rides a horse outside the town of Kyzyl in Southern Siberia, 3 August
Putin's equestrian skills were not the only things on display

Said Mr. Putin, on horseback, when reporters approached him: "Eat your hearts out Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal."

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More Snakebot Visions to Haunt Your Dreams

Creepy little robot...

Now imagine if it had its own power source...

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Obese Texas inmate hides gun in his flabs of fat

I guess a simple pat down just won't do anymore...

This image provided by the Houston Police Department shows George ...
AP – This image provided by the Houston Police
Department shows George Vera, 25, booking photo.


"Twenty-five-year-old George Vera was charged with possession of a firearm in a correctional facility after he told a guard at the Harris County Jail about the unloaded 9mm pistol. The Houston Chronicle reported Thursday that Vera was originally arrested on charges of selling illegal copies of compact discs.

The 500-pound man was searched during his arrest and again at a city jail and the county jail, but officers never found the weapon in his rolls of skin. Vera admitted having the gun during a shower break at the county jail."

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Perfume spritz sparks mass exit

A bottle of perfume
It is not known which kind of perfume was to blame

I believe the odor was Sex Panther. "60% of the time, it works every time."

"Thirty-four people went to hospital and dozens were treated for sickness after strong perfume was sprayed by a woman in a Texas bank."

"The bank then announced that anyone who felt ill should leave the building, prompting around 150 people to take up the offer.

Twelve people were taken to hospital by ambulance, after they complained of feeling short of breath and dizzy.
"

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Organic 'has no health benefits'

What I believed was true all along...
I guess maybe eating less toxic pesticides is a good thing though?
Unless you just like paying 50% more for your food, of course.

Fruit and vegetables
More than 50 studies were included in the review

"There is little difference in nutritional value and no evidence of any extra health benefits from eating organic produce, UK researchers found.

The Food Standards Agency, which commissioned the report, said the findings would help people make an "informed choice".
"

"Among the 55 of 162 studies that were included in the final analysis, there were a small number of differences in nutrition between organic and conventionally produced food but not large enough to be of any public health relevance, said study leader Dr Alan Dangour.

Overall the report, which is published in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition, found no differences in most nutrients in organically or conventionally grown crops, including in vitamin C, calcium, and iron.

The same was true for studies looking at meat, dairy and eggs.
"

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And finally:

China 'trusts prostitutes more'

"But she said she loved me!"

Prostitutes - file photo
Politicians were deemed less trustworthy than prostitutes

"China's prostitutes are better-trusted than its politicians and scientists, according to an online survey published by Insight China magazine.

The survey found that 7.9% of respondents considered sex workers to be trustworthy, placing them third behind farmers and religious workers.
"

""At least [the scientists and officials] have not slid into the least credible category which consists of real estate developers, secretaries, agents, entertainers and directors," the editorial said.

Soldiers came in fourth place.
"