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Saturday, October 31, 2009

Happy Halloween!

To celebrate, I bring you another masterpiece from the hilarious RĂ©mi Gaillard:


I highly recommend visiting his YouTube page and watching more videos.

P.S. Best/most adorable costume ever:

Friday, October 30, 2009

Funny Friday?

Here are a few internet tidbits to brighten your Friday:

Poor Piglet...

(Link thanks to Anna)


Greatest Mascot Dance of All Time

Pretty awesome. The bit starting at 0:33 brings back some horrible memories though...


shitmydadsays
More words of wisdom:

"You worry too much. Eat some bacon... What? No, I got no idea if it'll make you feel better, I just made too much bacon."

"You sure do like to tailgate people... Right, because it's real important you show up to the nothing you have to do on time."


Hey, how come you guys didn't ask me to be in the picture?



They make their mark in mug shot history

Best disguises ever.

Matthew Allan McNelly, left, and Joey Lee Miller, 20, still had the permanent marker on their faces when they were booked.Matthew Allan McNelly, left, and Joey Lee Miller, 20, still had the permanent marker on their faces when they were booked

"Police received a call Friday night that two men with hooded sweatshirts and painted faces had tried to break into a man's home in Carroll, Iowa."

""We're very skilled investigators and the black faces gave them right away," Cayler said jokingly. "I have to assume the officers were kind of laughing at the time. I've never heard of coloring your face with a permanent marker.""

(Link thanks to Nick)


TFLN
(414): and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.

(919): You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
(Thanks Adam)


Happy Friday!

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Rat in a Crack

Apparently this rat was trying to come up through the sidewalk and got stuck!

Possibly The Saddest Thing Ever

While I don't think it qualifies for saddest thing ever (think: Holocaust, Darfur, the S.E. Asian Tsunamis, Chinese earthquake, Bambi...), it is a pretty tragic situation.



"Reader Wayne sent us this photograph and explains, "I was walking along and texting. Not really paying that much attention. Then something caught my eye. I thought I was about to step in dog shit, but quickly realized it was a rat stuck in the sidewalk. A big rat. It had tried to squeeze through a crack in the sidewalk and failed.""

Naturally, when we humans see an animal in distress what do we do?
Exploit it in the name of comedy of course!




RIP Geocities

<#top-top>
Well, it is now Wednesday, October 28th, 2009.
Internet junkies of the '90s now mourn the loss of their beloved Geocities.
I'll admit I had a site or two elementary site based on Geocites (as well as one on Angelfire and Tripod).
Yes, Lycos is still around. I was surprised too.

In case you weren't cruising the World Wide Web through AOL back then, this is the end of an era.
CNN even wrote an article about it:

"GeoCities, in its heyday, was an online hub for Internet communities, connecting related pages through "web rings" that predated the massive footprints of MySpace and Facebook by nearly a decade."

"GeoCities was the third most-visited site on the Web in December 1998, behind AOL and Yahoo!, with 19 million unique visitors, according to a CNNMoney report."
(Doesn't seem like much now, but consider there were fewer than 360 million total internet users in 2000, compared with over 1.6 billion now).

And my favorite quote:
""If you're making fun of GeoCities dying," he wrote, "you're too young to understand.""


http://www.comedycentral.com/tosh.0/files/2009/10/1358866.gifhttp://www.comedycentral.com/tosh.0/files/2009/10/1358866.gifhttp://www.comedycentral.com/tosh.0/files/2009/10/1358866.gifhttp://www.comedycentral.com/tosh.0/files/2009/10/1358866.gifhttp://www.comedycentral.com/tosh.0/files/2009/10/1358866.gif

Even ComedyCentral.com got in on the event.
Goodbye GeoCities: 7 Retro Things We'll Miss Forever
1. Under Construction GIFs
"Why did people make such a big deal out of being “under construction” in the 90s? It's not necessarily something you want to attract attention to. “Hey! See this fancy animated GIF? That’s just a preview of how impressive my site will be when it’s done.”"

2. HTML
"The fall of GeoCities certainly won’t be the end of HTML, but those homespun sites definitely hearken back to when HTML was thehottest sh*t around!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"

3. Guestbooks
"Ah, the guestbook. It was basically the first incarnation of “comments” –- a place to put your name down and provide some feedback. Only, back then, people hadn't quite perfected the espousing of snark and unbridled-racism that make comments so exciting today."

4. FAQs
"FAQ stands for “frequently asked questions” but it usually turns into “questions I've obviously made up myself to give me an opportunity to provide information about things no one would actually ever ask questions about.”"

5. Webmasters
"“Click here to email the Webmaster.”

Okay, but only after you quit pretending your webmaster is a different person than you."

6. Take me to the top
"On GeoCities, websites were often just one long single page of unedited drivel and found GIFs. Websites just kept going. Who needs more than one page when the web has infinitely long pages?

So, every three paragraphs, a little hyperlink would offer to take you back to the top. Why? I’ve only made it 20% of the way down your site and you want me to go back to the top to read that same 20% again?
"

7. Visitor counters
"Visitor counters were the most important part of any GeoCities page. In fact, I believe it was an unspoken rule that you could not remove your "Under Construction" banner until you had added a hit counter, thus making your GeoCities page "complete.""

(Link thanks to Mike)

Monday, October 26, 2009

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day

A sequel's supposedly been in the works for the past decade... Apparently it's being released this weekend.
When did that happen??

Video Sunday: October 25, 2009

First up from Today's Big Thing

Japanese Hot Water Floor Prank


I still think these shows are the result of too many people on a little island...



Ants vs. Crabs
After watching this video, I just have one question:
Why haven't they taken over the world yet?!

(via Neatorama)


And another from TBT: Cat Surprise Attack on Breakdancer
Perfect shot.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Forensic Reconstruction of Famous Skulls

David at Ironic Sans decided to have his wife do a little "forensic" reconstruction of a few famous skull-headed characters.
"Forensic" because they're not actual scientific models, but rather representations of what they think these characters would look in the flesh.

Skeltor

My first thought: Skeltor looks like an ugly woman.
Second thought: He-Man would have kicked that woman's ass.


Manuel Calavera from the Grim Fandango game

That is one sleazy looking guy... I think I'd trust the walking skeleton more than that goatee.


Jack Skellington

Smeagol?

(link)

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

A Post With Some Thought!

Hello faithful followers!
Sorry I've only had time for quick updates lately. I've been preparing for some standardized testing!

Anyway, on to the fun stuff!

First, from our friends at Ugliest Tattoo.
I'm actually surprised this doesn't happen more often...
*edit* Never mind, there is a whole site dedicated to this sort of thing.

"This gentleman, for example, thought he did everything right by going to Japan to get a native speaker to do his tattoo, which he was told read “Dragon Soul,” whatever the hell that means:"

"Unfortunately, the joke is—literally—on him, because it says “gaijin,” the derogatory Japanese word for “foreigner.”"


Email From a Crazy Person?
No, not really, more like a hilarious radio prank call.



Probably Bad News
And yet somehow they got "Blagojevich" right...



And finally, our favorite internet networking site does it again!

Taco Bell, what have you done?
black-taco

He could care less the remaining 20 days...
college2

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Slow Motion Running

Some wacky slo-mo running by Japanese folk.
If you don't watch the whole thing, be sure to watch around 3:45.



(Via Neatorama)

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Woo Hoo! Look at me, I'm NAKED!!

Anytime you enter the lockers at the town pool you need to on guard for both...

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

FailBook News

A quick update of random bits from FailBlog, Lamebook, and Probably Bad News.

SUV Driver Fail
And that's why you shouldn't drive SUVs.



Sign Fail
I had no idea they had viewing areas...
epic fail pictures


Name Fail
I'm sorry if it's your family name, but you should know better...
epic fail pictures


Sean John Gone Wrong
From playful to offensive in three words.
http://www.lamebook.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/sean-john-gone-wrong.png


Retarted Animal Planet
Yea, they are pretty supid...
http://www.lamebook.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/retarted-animal-planet.png


Lock-In Fiesta
I hope it's just cutoff at an inappropriate spot.
Actually, no. I really hope that's the theme of PJ Night.
Funny-News-Headlines-FiestaLock-In


Fabulous News Guys!

OK, so it's not that funny, but I thought the title was great.
http://probablybadnews.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/AdamS-notstraight.jpg


Tell Us How You Really Feel About Her

They couldn't have chosen a better abbreviation:
Funny-News-Headlines-TellUsHowYouReallyFeelAboutHer

Monday, October 12, 2009

This Is It!

MJ's new single is out today!
It's no Billie Jean, but it's not bad.
You can definitely hear that it's the softer sound he's been sticking with in the latter part of his career.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Probably Bad News

Another one of those user submitted content sites...
Still funny and useful on slow workdays, but how many are out there?!

Governmental Ethics That Is
Did anyone really expect anything else?
Funny-News-Headlines-GovernmenalEthicsThatIs


Racial Profiling Totally Works
Maybe they don't want to list "black" as a feature anymore after that whole Harvard professor thing.
Then of course, there's the issue of gender... I have no explanation there.
Funny-News-Headlines-RacialProfilingTotallyWorks


What's That Smell
Unfortunately, I can imagine this happening at my company...
Funny-News-Headlines-What'sThatSmell


At Least He's Honest
Title says it all.
Funny-News-Headlines-AtLeastHe'sHonest


Strong Forearms On Her
This reminds me of something that could be on Jay Leno's Headlines bit.
Funny-News-Headlines-StrongForearmOnHer


Did He Just Say That?
Watch the co-anchor on the left... Priceless reaction.
Also, who uses that expression?



SPCA: Poor Louie...
Funny-News-Headlines-DoAsISay

Mailbox Stalker?
Funny-News-Headlines-Mailman


Hard-Hitting Political Commentary
Thanks MSNBC. I probably should know that.
Funny-News-Headlines-HardHittingPoliticalCommentary

Who Wants to Sleep with a Naval Officer-aire?

But really, it would have been the same if Regis was still hosting.
(Only creepier).


Original comment from Today's Big Thing:
"Don't ask, don't tell... your buddies you slept with a woman as old as your mother."


And I'll end with a Rumination...

"How come in every kids book ducks are yellow? I have never seen a yellow duck."

Friday, October 9, 2009

Slow-Motion Bullets

This is incredible...


Sorry Anna. Fish are cool, but shooting things is awesome.
(via Neatorama)

Song of the Moment: Spyder Turner - Stand By Me

An average rendition of Stand By Me by Spyder Turner. Obviously he has nothing on Ben E. King, but the bit where he imitates other artists is very entertaining.
His impressions of James Brown, Eddie Kendricks, and Smokey Robinson are particularly good.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Policeman Fail

This is pretty awful...



Basically the worst thing you could do at a crosswalk.
Probably only slightly better than hitting an old woman with one of those walkers...

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

College Football Body Painter

This guy...
Yea...
It wouldn't be more tolerable, but at least it would make sense if he was was a giant 250 pound man.
Instead of a scrawny red-haired dorky looking kid.

And remember people, it's all about the white base-coat!

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Ruminations

New favorite site!


Ruminations.com

Another text based user-generated content site
But instead of being spiteful toward the world like FML or written in a drunken stupor like TFLN, these are witty thoughts of the site's members.

A few favorites:

"No matter how many times I watch Titanic I'm 100% sure that if they had tried harder, Jack would've fit perfectly fine on that floating headboard."

"Probably the best icebreaker is to hate on somebody you mutually know...it works every time."

"I'm not sure what to say to people who send me ultrasound pictures, but I can tell you that "bitchin' fetus" is wrong."

"No matter how much you brush and floss, it is NEVER good enough for the dental hygienist. "Your gums are bleeding!" Oh really? Well maybe you should stop stabbing them with that metal fucking hook!"

"You don't have to physically touch my monitor to point something out on the screen. "

"Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or faq's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft."

"How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?"

"That's enough, Nickelback. "

Sam's Present


(Found on Up Next in Sports)

'Horrorcore' Singer Suspected in Virginia Killings

Normally I would just throw this in an entry with some other news stories, but this one is special enough to stand alone.
This kid clearly has some issues...

'Horrorcore' singer suspected in Virginia killings

Richard Samuel McCroskey has been arrested in connection with the killings of four people in Virginia.
Richard Samuel McCroskey has been arrested in
connection with the killings of four people in Virginia.

"Elizabeth McCutchen and a friend were walking to book club two weeks ago in quaint Farmville, Virginia, when they strolled by a home on First Avenue. "Something smells dead," her friend said.

They were thinking animal. A dog, a cat, something like that. They never imagined they were smelling the remains of massacred humans. It was Thursday, September 17. But another 24 hours would pass before police made the gruesome discovery.

Richard Samuel McCroskey III -- a 20-year-old rapper in the underground genre of "Horrorcore" who sang of chopping people into pieces -- has been arrested in connection with the slayings. The crime scene was so horrifying police would not even describe it, saying only that the victims died of blunt force trauma."

McCroskey was arrested on September 19. "I'm not sure he gets the severity of everything," his attorney says.
McCroskey was arrested on September 19. "I'm not
sure he gets the severity of everything," his attorney says.

"The slayings have been the talk of Farmville, a town of 7,000 that is home to Longwood University and nearby Hampden-Sydney College. Senseless is the word you hear most."
Farmville!?

"Authorities have not specified when the Virginia killings occurred, but at 4 a.m. on Friday, September 18, tow-truck driver Elton Napier was called out to Poor House Road to help McCroskey, whose car was stuck.

Napier said McCroskey was wearing a black-hooded sweatshirt and "was really smelling bad, like real bad. I can't describe it.""

"When McCroskey hopped into Napier's flatbed, the tow-truck driver said he started gagging from the odor and immediately rolled down the windows.

"I just held my head out the window so the wind would hit me in the face," he said. "That was the stinkiest rascal I've ever smelled.""

Not to make light of the killings, but that's one of the funniest quotes I've ever read.
And I'm really curious why he smelled so bad...

FailBlog: October 6, 2009

A few Fails to get you through the day!

Home Decoration Fail
I just wish there was a better close-up shot of this house. What exactly is going on there??
At first glance it looks like the giant Stay Puft Marshmallow Man exploded on their house.
But upon closer inspection... wait, are those stuffed animals?
And if you keep looking, you'll notice the random chalk outline of a cat on the side of the house.
I'm thinking it turned the corner and died of shock.



Teaching Material Fail
You might think this is ridiculous at first, but you need to ask: what are they teaching?

No, just kidding. It's ridiculous.


That Will Buff Out
Featured on FailBlog, but really just an ad for another one of their sites.
Either way, I still think it's a fail.

How could you possibly explain to the police you were going the right way?


Weight Limit Fail

I wouldn't really call this one a fail.
Mostly because if that guy found out, he would kick my ass... or try eat me.