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Wednesday, March 17, 2010

In the News: March 17, 2010

Get your daily dose of news!

Although, now looking at the stories I have to share, it's more like your "daily dose of lost faith in the human race".
Enjoy anyway!

This was the number one story on CNN for most of the day...
Drunk, high dad leaves baby in oven overnight, police say

Larry Long, 33, is charged with first degree wanton endangerment.

"A Kentucky man high on marijuana and drunk on whiskey put his 5-week-old son in the oven Sunday and left him there overnight, police said.

The oven door was slightly ajar, and the oven was not turned on."

"The incident was reported to authorities by a psychiatric facility that Long turned to when he learned what he had done, officials said.

"He actually called a mental health crisis line immediately thereafter and told them that he had done this. And they contacted us," Hayden said."

"Long blamed his actions on the marijuana, which he believes was laced with a hallucinatory agent, officials said."

Man used penis to assault female police officer
... and she liked it.
Marium Varinauskas

"A man who assaulted a female police officer with his penis has been fined.

Marium Varinauskas, 28, tried to strike the officer on the head with his penis when she was called out to his flat, but she got out of the way."

"Fiscal depute Elaine Lynch said: "The accused got to his feet and was standing over the police officer exposing his penis and thrusting it in her face, forcing her to take evasive action to avoid getting struck.""

""He can't remember anything but accepts that if that's what the police say then that's what happened.

"He has never been so drunk before that day and accepts he has to take full responsibility. He apologises profusely and is extremely embarrassed.""

"Sheriff Annella Cowan was told that the Lithuanian had now quit binge drinking because of the incident."

Still happy to be a citizen of planet earth?
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‘All black people’ asked to leave Wal-Mart

But only white-souls!

"WASHINGTON TOWNSHIP, New Jersey - Wal-Mart Stores Inc. officials are reviewing security tapes to try to determine who used a southern New Jersey store's public-address system to tell "all black people" to leave.

On Sunday evening at the Washington Township store, a male voice calmly announced: "Attention Wal-Mart customers: All black people leave the store now."

Witnesses told the Courier-Post newspaper that customers and store employees looked stunned. Management later apologized."

[They might be racist, but this is still one of my favorite commercials.]

Woman aims to become world's fattest
Everything about this just makes me feel ill...

"Donna Simpson, from New Jersey, weighs 273kg but told the Daily Mail newspaper she had her heart set on reaching her goal weight of 1000lb (450kg) in two years.

The 42-year-old already holds the title of the world's fattest mother after giving birth to her daughter in 2007 when she weighed 241kg.

"I'd love to be 1000lb ... it might be hard though, running after my daughter keeps my weight down," Ms Simpson told the Daily Mail."

[Yes, caring for her daughter is keeping her weight unwantedly low.]

"Her 49-year-old partner Philippe — who she met on a dating site for plus-size people — was encouraging her to reach her goal, she said.

"I think he'd like it if I was bigger ... he's a real belly man and completely supports me," she said.

To put on enough weight, Ms Simpson will need to eat 12,000 calories a day, which is six times the recommended daily intake for women.

In order to pay for the enormous amounts of food she is eating — her weekly grocery bill is $815 — Ms Simpson makes money by running a website where men pay to watch her consume fast food."

(link thanks, or no-thanks, to Mike)

To cheer you up, here are some more words of wisdom from shitmydadsays:

War hero? No. I was a doc in Vietnam. My job was to say "This is what happens when you screw a hooker, kid. Put this cream on your pecker."

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